Window Not Genuine Notifications Removed xD

I  used to have this annoying 'You having a non-genuine window" notification over and over again although I had it direct from the shop that I buy my lappy... =.="

Searching through the internet, one video on youtube save me... Thx yall~
It asking me to just download this file into my window and run it. Here's the link for anyone who perhaps having the same problem...

http://www.mediafire.com/?sb986xivs6s6kqd

At last I could use my own wallpapers as the background desktop wallpaper instead of a black screen resulted from the Non-Genuine window notification... xD Proudly to say, I design them myself... Haha

.

Sinar suci

Kami anak-anakmu,
Ingin memohon restu,
Wahai Ibuku, wahai ayahku,
Ampunkan dosa-dosaku.
Wahai ibuku, wahai ayahku,
Redhakan akan diriku.

Ku hulurkan salam untuk rasul junjungan,
Moga disyafaatkan.
Ya Allahu ya Rabbi,
Ya Fatahu ya A'lim,
Ya Rahmanu ya Rahim...

Wahai Tuhanku kasihi daku, kasih ibu dan ayahku,
Wahai Tuhanku rahmati daku, rahmati ibu dan ayahku.
Selamatkan mereka dari azab neraka dan bencana dunia,
Hubungkan mereka dengan talimu,
Amin ya Rabbal A'lamin.



Wahai Tuhan limpahkan hidayahmu untuk ayah dan ibuku.
Wahai Tuhanku berkati daku, berkati ibu dan ayahku.
Sayangilah mereka seperti mana mereka menyayangiku
dan mengasihiku waktu kecilku, tak terbalas budi jasanya.

Wahai ibuku wahai ayahku, didiklah anak-anakmu,
Moga menjadi penyejuk dimata, penawar resah hatimu.
Ampunkan segala keterlanjuranku, halalkan makan minumku.
Doakan semoga aku selamat, dunia dan diakhirat...


.

MasyaAllah, Wanita cantik...

Dia melukis kekuatan melalui masalah.
Dia tersenyum saat tertekan.
Dia tertawa saat hati sedang menangis.
Dia tabah saat dihina.
Dia mempersona kerana memaafkan.
Dia mengasihi tanpa balasan.
Dan dia bertambah kuat dalam doa dan pengharapan Ilahi...
Dialah, wanita cantik itu...


.

Sleep Sleep Sleep~

Im a creature who can sleep anywhere, anytime, any way~

.

One of Me

Refleksi diri :

Well..., I admit it. I know you know or maybe you dont that
I am.... A pampered Girl~

Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever...
Sometimes, they are only there long enough to teach you the lessons that you need to learn...


.

Saat kamu tiba...

Saat kamu tiba, ya Ramadhan...
Hari ini, 5 Ramadhan 1432, 5 Ogos 2011...

Jarang sekali entry yang dipostkan berunsur Islamic. Jarang sekali menggunakan 'ana' ketika berbicara. Jarang sekali meng'crop' hadis kedalam entry2 ku... Jarang sekali.....
Sedang cuba belajar menjadi lebih dewasa, menjadi lebih matang, menjadi lebih baik. InsyaAllah...

Ramadhan tahun ini, terasa sangat bererti. Mungkin kerana aku bakal berangkat pergi. Berat hati ingin melangkah. Seakan bakal terhempas dari awan diatas. Semasa, walaupun sudah diomok-omokkan destinasinya, langkah dihadapan masih seakan kabur. Mungkin aku terlalu daif. Mungkin aku terlalu risau. Risau akan dua insan... Sebagai anak, kehendak mereka akan aku cuba penuhi, pernah sekali harapan mereka aku gagal sempurnakan, berjanji ianya tidak akan berulang, sinar mata mereka aku harapkan...

Sebagai hambaMu ya Allah, aku redha dengan
setiap ketentuanMu. Aku pernah merasa gelap, aku pernah merasa sesat. "Ashhadu Allailahaillallah wa Ashhadu Anna Muħammadar Rasulullah". Pandu aku kearah jalan lurusMu, bantulah aku mengawal tiap gerak geriku. Sesungguhnya Engkau tidak akan memberikan sesuatu diluar kemampuanku.

Sedang nafsu remajaku masih membuak dalam melayani bahagian duniawiMu yang melalaikan, mampukah aku cuba merubahnya? Berikanlah aku hidayahMu Ya Allah...

Sedang aku bagai titisan embun dihujung daun keladi, aku mencari yang positif didalam setiap nikmat yang Engkau kurniakan kepadaku. Tabahkanlah hatiku dalam mengawal emosi dan nafsu negatifku yaAllah... Diri ini, seakan ingin menadah nikmat dariMu 'twenty-four seven'... Terkadang diri ini terasa lemah, terkadang terasa serba kekurangan. Tetapi kalamMu jelas membuktikan, aku dan saudara-saudaraku dicipta penuh kesempurnaan... Amin...


.

Sudirman - Warisan

WARISAN - Sudirman Hj. Arshad

Disini lahirnya sebuah cinta
Yang murni abadi sejati
Disini tersemai cita cita
Bercambah menjadi warisan

Andai ku terbuang tak diterima
Andai aku disingkirkan
Kemana harusku bawakan
Kemana harusku semaikan
Cinta ini

Betapa
Dibumi ini ku melangkah
Ke utara selatan timur dan barat
Ku jejaki

Aku bukanlah seorang perwira
Gagah menghunus senjata
Namun hati rela berjuang
Walau dengan cara sendiri
Demi cinta ini

Ku ingin kotakan seribu janji
Sepanjang kedewasaan ini
Ku ingin sampaikan pesanan
Akulah penyambung warisan...

*Muzik*



Andai ku terbuang tak diterima
Andai aku disingkirkan
Kemana harusku bawakan
Kemana harusku semaikan
Cinta ini

Betapa
Dibumi ini ku melangkah
Ke utara selatan timur dan barat
Ku jejaki

Aku bukanlah seorang perwira
Gagah menhunus senjata
Namun hati rela berjuang
Walau dengan cara sendiri
Demi cinta ini

Ku ingin kotakan seribu janji
Sepanjang kedewasaan ini
Ku ingin sampaikan pesanan
Akulah penyambung warisan...

.

Ada yang berkata,

Tak perlulah mencari teman secantik Balqis andai diri tak sehebat Sulaiman,Tak perlulah mengharap teman setampan Yusuff andai kasih tak setulus Zulaikha,
Tak perlulah mengharap teman seteguh Ibrahim andai diri tak sekuat Siti Hajar,
dan
Tak perlulah mendambakan teman hidup bagai Siti Khadijah andai diri tak sesempurna Rasullullah SAW.

Semoga yang ditentukan nanti adalah yang terbaik.
Kekurangan, kelebihan adalah keunikan setiap hambaNya... InsyaAllah... Amin...


.

Waking up

Once lived a life as asasian really taught me how hard life could be... I will never forget the 'views' and 'panoramas' of the life of me at UiTM Puncak Alam, Bandar Puncak Alam, Selangor, Malaysia. Even im exhausting in my form 4 life when Im overloaded with responsibilities, this asassian was something else..



I do wrong when I start to jump into the game world when Im almost registered as University student.
I do wrong when I buy a laptop.
I do wrong when I felt so small in the 'mastermind' world.
I do wrong when I decided to take a normal student life and dont shine too much.
I do wrong when I didnt arrange my sleeping pattern.
I do wrong when I hardly
adapt to the 'without mom & dad' situation.
I do wrong when I try to not asking money for mom and dad that making me saving too much on my daily diet till Im often gets hungry and cant focus in class.
I do wrong when I think Im tired cause not getting enough sleep that makes me try to sleep whenever I felt sleeping.
I do wrong when I kept calling mom cause that only makes me missing her too much till I often cry to go home.
I do wrong when I cant sleep in the evening cause evening sleep always charge your energy to stay up studying at night but I just cant...

I barely breathe there. Im dying... I lost... Once I 'wake up' I already in the final examination having my preparation for the last subject, the last paper...

Its not that I cant do it. Its that I did not realize that I can do it.

I know there is a sea of people who having their life mess up, but still, they live. How amazing it is ha... Well, its their determination, their curiosity of what life can give them that keep them alive. How fool I am of forgetting how I enjoyed my life when Im still in my high school.

At that time, I got no one to talk to, but Im always the speaker in the class... I cry whenever I angry or gets tired of my responsibilities but still I laugh till my chair become unstable and I end up rolling on the class's floor for laughing too hard. Im scared of the bigger size students especially the boys, but still when they did something that I dont like, I end up having a fight with them, physically or having 'fierce eyes contact' moment and I never hold back if they start to tease me, I just let what will happen when the feeling of 'the rat of me' become 'the lioness of me', I try to beat them with my petite body...

Reminiscing those moment really inspiring. Im not a great person, not so well-known, not rich, not clever, not pretty either but I have an "I-Like who I am" attitude and thats the thing that make me as me today. Rejoice girl, Im waking up~


.

Beruntungnya seorang wanita,

Beruntungnya seorang wanita…
Tiap-tiap bulan dia diberi cuti bergaji penuh7 sehingga 15 hari sebulan dia tak wajib sembahyang
tetapi Allah anggap diwaktu itu sembahyang terbaik darinya
Cuti bersalin juga sehingga 60 hari
Cuti ini bukan cuti suka hati
Tapi cuti yang Allah beri sebab dia bekerja dengan Allah.
Orang lelaki tak ada cuti dari sembahyang

Beruntungnya seorang wanita
Sembahyang wajib baginya dari baligh sehingga habis nyawanya…

Satu lagi berita gembira untuk wanita,
Sepanjang dia mengandung
Allah sentiasa mengampunkan dosanya,
Lahir saja bayi seluruh dosanya habis.
Inilah nikmat Tuhan beri kepada wanita,
Jadi kenapa perlu takut nak beranak?

Marilah kita pegang kepada tali Allah.
Seandainya wanita itu mati sewaktu bersalin, itu dianggap
Mati syahid, Allah izinkan terus masuk Syurga.
Untuk orang kafir dia tak dapat masuk Syurga tapi
Allah beri kelonggaran siksa kubur.

Untuk peringatan semua wanita yang bersuami
Seluruh kebaikan suaminya, semuanya isteri dapat pahala
Tetapi dosa-dosa suami dia tidak menanggungnya…

Di akhirat nanti seorang wanita solehah akan terperanjat dengan pahala extra yang banyak dia terima diatas segala kebaikan suaminya yang tak disedari…
Contohnya bila dia redha suaminya pergi berjemaah di masjid
atau ke majlis ilmu, bersedekah.. Ganjaran akan diberi keatasnya jua..

Bila dia lihat suaminya tengah terhegeh-hegeh di titian Sirat , Dia tidak mahu masuk syuga tanpa suaminya,
Jadi dia pun memberi pahalanya kepada suami untuk melepasi titian untuk masuk ke syurga.
Didunia lagi, kalau suami dalam kesusahan isteri boleh bantu tambah lagi di akhirat.
Kalau seorang isteri asyik merungut, mulut selalu muncung terhadap suami. Dia tak akan dapat pahala extra ini.

Manakala suami pula mempunyai tugas-tugas berat didalam dan diluar rumah, segala dosa-dosa anak isteri yang tak dididik dia akan tanggung ditambah lagi dengan dosa-dosa yang lain..
Dinasihatkan kepada semua wanita supaya faham akan syariat
Allah agar tidak derhaka denganNya.

Sesungguhnya wanita dijadikan daripada rusuk kiri lelaki.
Dia bukan dicipta dari kepala ke kaki, juga bukan dari tapak
kaki.Dia dicipta dari sebelah rusuk kiri lelaki supaya dia hampir kepada kamu (lelaki) , lengan lelaki dicipta untuk mempertahankan
wanita, dekat dengan hati lelaki untuk disayangi.

Credit to : Facebook Islamic Group : Majlis Ilmu

.

Who make them have the right to Judge...?

U know, in our teenagers stage, 

If you dont eat, you are annorexic
; if you do eat, you are a fatass.

If you dont wear makeup, you are ugly
; if you wear makeup, you are fake.

If you are loud, you annoying
; if you are quiet, you areweird.

If you are good in school, you're smart
; if you say something wrong, you are stupid.

If you take picures, you are an attention-whore
; if you dont stalk facebook, you are not cool.

If you wear sweats, you are underdressed
; if you wear a dress you are overdressed.

If you dont have a boyfriend, you are a loser
; if you have one, people will start to notice and talk about you.

The good advises told us to be who we are...,
but then you go and judge us about it.

So now, do you see how hard it is for us to just be ourselves???

Credit to :  My fav new quotes page...

Have You Ever Wonder?

The Norm of Life, 

Have you ever wondered,
Everyday, we wear clothes that we buy in order for us to go to work,
Then we stuck in the traffic in a car
that we still paying in order for us to go to our workplace
And we doing all that in order for us
to pay for the clothing, car and the house that
we leave empty all day
because we are at our workplace
in order to afford living in it...

M.L said that, I said it again and I dont know if you guys ever wondered about it too...


.

When a Girl...

When a GIRL is quiet,
Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions,
She is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers "i'm fine" after a few seconds,
She is not fine at all.

When a GIRL stares at you,
She is
wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest,
She is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL calls you everyday,
She is seeking for your attention.

When a GIRL sms's u everyday,
She wants you to reply at least once.

When a GIRL says I love you,
She means it.

When a GIRL syays that she cant live without you,
She has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a GIRL says "I miss you:
No one in this world can miss you more than her..........

When Theres Something

()""*()
(  'o' )")  Prepare
(")=(")      Well

()""*()
( -0- )   Dont Be
(,(")(")    Tension

  ()""*()
('(  'o'  )') Cause You
  (")=(")  Can bear It...



.

Out of Place...

I'm probably in the sky FLYING with the FISHES
or maybe
in the OCEAN swimming with the FINCHES.

Dont Rush.

I love her, probably more than everything... The untalented of me prevent me from showing the love. I just want she to feel it and believe it.

One image of her crossing my mind was just enough to make me smile or cry. But when she gave out words that unpleasant me, the only thing that I can do was just silence... The strength that swollen in my heart only enough to
make me hiding my numbness...

I walk away...
And walking away doesnt means that I hate the owner of those words. Its that I was hurt and I dont want to hurt her back by showing her that Im hurting inside...

Please, dont hate me until i give u a reason to and dont judge me until u know the whole story... cause everything happen for a reason... And every hardship that come over is only a reminder from Allah on how He love us. Get through this with me. Have some faith in me as I need all that to pursue walking to the front without looking back unless its a good view...


.

Felt Half-Life

Dont know how to decribe me now, suddenly remembered this sentence, its a quotes, but I forget when did I memorize it or by whom did I take this from,

"Out of damp and gloomy days, out of loveless words directed at us, conclusions grow up in us as a fungus, one morning they are there, we know not how, and they gaze upon us and they woe to the thinker who is not the gardener.”

But whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, dizzying with opinions that we live in a world of hatred and greed, somehow, I try not to
see all those stuff. Because no matter how terrible the situation is, there are always somewhere, someplace, someone that will be there for us to help us in returning to our normal state. The positive one of us. The one that they know. The side of us who smile, who laugh, who wanting something more than everything, who dreams of impossible things and try to achieve it and who will not give up over things easily.

Well, "love is everywhere". Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there, parents, siblings, families, old friends, new friends, BFF for sure, or even someone special. They there for us...

Try not to hang myself at my deepest saddest emotions as world guarantee something more than that for me. Felt like i want to go out there, run and screams, raising my hands up, looking at the sun, try to reach the sky, jump and jump, even in the rain, wheres we cant see the sun, or in the night when the sun is out of sight, something that we always bare in mind, the sun is there for us...

Sorry? Naaah.. =D Forget it

Sometimes, sorry makes us felt awkward. And sometimes it doesnt really necessary for us to say it. Understand the situation and makes a happy moment out of it is a way to carve a smile or intrigued laughter.

If its a mistakes moment, fix it and cheer up. Try again is a words that will not meet a failure. Saying sorry didnt really makes things right but show it with you own effort will prove you theres more speechless moment awaiting.

Yeah, this word 'sorry' connect the breaks 'wires' but if its already connecting for what reason you troubled yourself pressing 'connect' button anymore... Just go with the flow and believe me, you will enjoyed the line...


.

Heels >.<"

God created each one of us in most perfect ways beyond our imagination. Im not meant to be ungrateful to Him, but sometimes, when I look at my self in front of my big mirror, I will think of, erk, NOT my face, NOT my pimples, NOT my weight or even, NOT diet for sure, BUT, Im thinking of heels... =D

The first time im wearing heels was when Im going for my grand dinner as assasian student. and believe me, Its AWKWARD... ^0^

Its not easy to be wearing 'kebaya' and 'heels' for the first time and at the same time. But give it a shot and I did it. Well, Im almost in my 19 years old year but still 146cm and sometimes, yea, I need to be tall for some reasons. Its in every girls instinct to look gorgeous and in some ways beautiful. Im not the one who
excluded from that statement. I'll look forward to wearing heels again and practice to wear it 0.0

Yea, high heels give a stylish look to the overall physical appearance of any girls, help to bring out an attractive body posture ( but this statement is not advisable to be a reason to wear heels actually XD )but it adds to the confidence of the girls while carrying her self and sometimes girls wear heels to complement their clothes. Now, the world is about fashion and we cant deny it with any excuse.



But I also figure out some of its disadvantages... And ouch, they kindda...
Hurmm... =.="
First of foremost, haha, it gives me foot pain, then leg sprain and back pain. Its also difficult for me to walk when wearing it. But, well, like people always say, practices make perfect... LOLZ XD


.

It keeps Coming

Im trying to forget.
Building up my strength to bare with the consequences. Its deleted part by part from my memory side. The process will takes a long time to be cured. Im waiting for the scar to appear. Because scar means the 'injured' part had been sealed.

The components that was left after that was just the positive values that will remind me to be careful in the upcoming future so that the same 'injury' will not happen again.

Only to make the bleeding stops was hard enough.
So, please, stop remind me of it...


.

'Heart Broken' Doesnt Always Happen Because of Love

Sometimes we had a broken heart because of unexpected reason that may lead us to give up. And giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go as there are things that we dont want to happen but have to accept. Same as there are things that we dont want to know but have to learn.

But life was just a story which metaphor about how we try to stay in our own little bubbles... So, what ever had happen in this fragile world of mine, Im lucky enough that my heart is the only broken instrument that works... Its gonna be better soon... cause sadness will gone with the wings of time, one of the values that I Learn after 18 years living my life as me.

I live to count life with smiles and not the tears that roll. Thats how I live and Im happy with it... May God bless me...


.

The Seven Ice...

During this moment, before our Final starts (tomorrow), I would like to introduce these 7 persons who always know the real me =D

We dont do eyes contact much, dont spend time much, dont talk about things much, But when it comes to some news to share, some problems to solve, some jokes to be told, some cheering events that happen, some eerie feelings that suddenly came, we'll go to each other to be laugh with, nervous with, scared with, happy with and cry with... I dont know about u guys, but for me, what else HOUSEMATES for...

Sometimes it seems like we dont care much about each other. Our house also labeled as most quiet house in the block ( labeled by myself). But I know and I know that you also know it, that the attitude of "dont care" only was an "Acting cool" stuff and believe me, non of us mind about that. XD All of us only the kind of person who scared if disturbing others. But we always there for each other if we are needed and we help and talk sincerely. Here, that makes all of us the same...

The first month we were gathered in a house called R401, it was like each of us are putting walls up around ourselves. Only say "Hi" and smiled. XD haha... But, Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down and we did it. ^^ Now we can laugh till the door shakes, scream till the eardrum at maximum vibration, discuss things till we fed up and talk till the books closed. =P

Guys, even though we've changed later on and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're not all still friends...


.

To : Syaz, Ijah, Nat and Imah ^^ Suddenly came across,

There were something I want to say to 4 of my friends.
The one that were close to me during a new chapter of a tough time in my life. They came into my life so unexpectedly. Little did I know what was to lie ahead. Within the hours that we all together, all the crazy moments that created for us, they show me the strength when I show them my weaknesses.

They taught me the importance of believe in myself, taught me that life was a race, run to achieve it but do it in a good way cause life worth more by that. They taught me so much in a way I never knew. I've learn a lot. A knowledge that cant be written by any pen or pencil. They stood behind me when I felt like falling. Make me laugh, make me smile. Along side of me when I needed a friend. In front of me when I needed a guide.

More importantly, they give me a piece of each of them. A gift worth far more than money could buy. Im here far away from home. My closest friend from my high school were all separated by blocks, classes and study hours. Sometimes I felt kindda like a weirdo among the normal one. But they gave me a floor to dance on. A song in my heart that I finally understand the words to.

During our first week here, Im alone, but as time goes by, by chance and fate that meant for us, We started our group. Our circle of friends. And like that circle. There is no beginning or end...

People said, yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery and today is a gift.
That is why today is called the present. Im so grateful to God that I'd survive this ordeal to study here until this very moment. It was a worthy experience that hard to be described by any words or literature sentences and its been an honour for me to be a student here and have them as my special friends ^^.

"What ever come upon us next, either we will meet again or not, Im wishing and prays for all the best things in the world for you girls. Thanks for all the wonderful and rejoiced times. May God always bless you..." ^^ =D


.

First Camping Experience With Kadet Polis

Pada saat aku meniti 'jambatan' kehidupan di sekolah menengah, aku telah menghadiri dan menyibukkan diri dalam lebih sepuluh jenis perkhemahan. Daripadanya, pelbagai pengalaman, sikap manusia, cabaran, dugaan, keseronokkan, ke"excited an", kegeliaan, kegilaan, kesakitan, kehampaan, dan segala ke-...-an yang harus ditempuhi dan dihadapi.

Disini, dibingkiskan perkhemahan yang paling banyak mengajar aku tentang kehidupan dunia dan kehidupanku diakhirat sana, juga merupakan perkhemahan pertama aku sebagai anggota Kor Kadet Polis Malaysia. Disini aku sedar didunia terdapat banyak kehidupan selain manusia. Bumi sudah tua, dan dunia di peringkat akhir zamannya.

Waktu itu, aku masih muda, masih mahu 'enjoy'. Tetapi sekembalinya aku kerumah, pemikiranku lebih matang berbanding dulu. Mula merasa aku sudah dizaman remajaku. Despite all that, still, ada sikap2ku yang masih aku cuba untuk ubahkan kepada yang lebih baik. Hayatilah ^^ :


♪♫•1st Camping Experience With Kor Kadet Polis•♫♪


Andai ada diantara insan didalam cerita ini yang berkaitan dengan hidup anda, janganlah dibangkitkan kembali ingatan ini. Baca sekadar pedoman kepada kita buat masa hadapan. terima kasih atas kerjasama yang diberikan... ^^


.

Eraser...eraser... Come out come out wherever you are.... =(

I always love Erasers...
I have a collection of more than hundred erasers in a box at my real home. They come from various shape and some of them got perfume smell... XD
I collected them throughout my school years. I mean from im 7 years old till 17 years old... haha

But not until this moment of Final Asasian Exam that I realize the importance of erasers... I need them desperately!!!

Before, in my high school or primary school, if I dont have eraser at the time in need, I will borrow them from my friends. So, it does not really matter if I have eraser with me or not. Sharing is caring ^^.

But now, Im in a room, alone with Mathematics exercises, do mistakes and I spent my 20 minutes to search for my eraser that I misplaced. Ouch >.<"


Ok, *continue study*



.

The Imperfect Me

Im not a perfect girl, my 'tudung' doesnt always stay in place, my hair doesnt always look shiny or tied up & I spill things a lot.

Im pretty clumsy and sometimes I have a broken heart over something that I shouldnt.

My friends & I sometimes fight, sometimes we have different opinions over a decision and maybe some days in my life nothing goes right.

but when I think about it & take a step back, I remember how amazing life truly is & that maybe, just maybe, I like being imperfect =)


.

Im shivering...

To be frank,
Im not an easy-going person. Its hard to be close to me. Its hard to be my besties as Im a person which is very secretive. Its a tough thing for me to talk to others about what I felt what I think. I like to keep everything 'here' in my little chamber. When its 'boiled' or overloaded, I just exploded. Even that happen, I didnt told anyone about it cause I dont want to burden them to think about my little problem as they have theirs too.

When I started my school years, I saw people with many friends. I have less. 'Here' told me that, I want to get near to them, laugh with them, told them story, say good morning to them, say goodbye when we are in separated ways, make jokes so they will laugh with me and tell them my sad things when everything in my mind are messed up so that they can comfort me.

To get all those, I'd learn to smile. I'd tried many expressions in front of my big mirror to test which smile would not scare people, which smile look fake, and how to smile sincerely. I dont know if I make it or not but, starting that days, I've got friends. ^^

Im a pampered girl,
yes I admit it and hoping that others can accept it too. But as life goes on, I saw my friends were bullied, and obviously I always been bullied for my small size, despite all that, I dont have that enough strength to tell them to 'STOP'.

I went home, crying in my flowery blanket, told myself, "Everything gonna be alright. They just people who never see small kids and people who dont have anything to do. They bored, so they 'play' me."


When I come to this one moment,
I've grew up a bit, started to learn how to hate, how to fight back and how to protect myself. I hate it when people look down on me. Im not a clever person, not so tough, not so nerd but I can do more than what they thought I can. Once I learn how to fight back, I had a hard time to control my temper.

I will exploded each and everytime people teased me till at the age of 11, I live a free-teasing life. Boys are my enemies, girls are my weaknesses. I dont talk much even with my classmates who are boys as I hate the bullies who use to bully me and all of them were boys.

Growing up was a magic for me. At the age of 13, I was close with my Ustazah.
I love to see people with big hijab. I would like to wear them and yes I did it as my school uniform^^. I like to wear a loose clothes so I would not look so small.

Girl's clothes at the mall and shop at that time were mostly small and fit to body type one. So, I switch to boys clothes. 0.0 and of course I look more boyish than I use to be. But, all that was covered by my cute face and eventually no one see me as a 'tomboy', what they saw was just a petite and untidy girl.

It was also a miracle how I survive my high school years. Too many to be told so let me skip that one first. =P

For the first time of my life,
at the age of 17 and half,
I had to distance myself from my family for study purpose. Yea, I always go out of school for many days camp. This camp, that camp. But I never study without my family near me. To think it all over, camping was not an open books and focusing activities. Camping was just, go out there, let go all of the school stuff, be at your best and have fun girl.

But now, Study stuff + far away from family + home + no one to take care of my food + drink + cant having fun + what else -.- too many...


It took me one semester to suit myself out here. >.<" Im getting slow and obviously felt dumb. Haha... XD

I use to have everything for only myself but now I have to share everything. Wow, its tough... I use to have my private space but now everything were public. Cant hide, cant cry. No more flowery blanket to talk to. No more big mirror to practice with. No more mom to call me for breakfast, lunch and dinner ( which I always accidentally skipped ). No more my flower powder smell bolster to kick or punch or hug with. No more....

I felt like empty set. Empty kuma.. How was that... but I try to bare with it. Try to assume that now I am in a very long camps ( as I always love camping ) where the only difference from my other camps is that here I had to study.

Ok, study... Ermmm, ya, study...


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Stomach Ache Day

Today I accidently skip 2 classes cause of stomach ache... So sad since its the last day of lectured class. Actually I already been in front of the class that suppose to be my morning class, but I saw nobody's there... OPSSSS, i was so slow... XD the class was canceled and I dont know bout it...

But I managed to help somebody edited a Family Guild blog for my game, so glad ^^... It was nice... Feel Free to visit =D






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